A younger perspective
The generation gap has never been more pronounced. The world parents may think they are handing over to their children has changed in fundamental ways, while the childhood their kids are living today is radically different from their own experience growing up. For the most part, they are simply not in tune with the way their children’s minds are shaped by the world, resulting in frustration at a lack of shared values; confusion about shifting social norms and identity issues; and wildly different expectations of future jobs, wealth and stability.
Young men, in particular, are struggling to find their place in the world. Throw in negative media stereotypes, as well as widespread demonisation, and boys can quickly become alienated at an intensely self-conscious, insecure age. Ideally, boys need to be given space to open up, form ideas and try on identities. Given proper space, young boys will show their ability to be sensitive, engaged and caring.
By contrast, in the absence of supportive space, some boys will find a second home in online communities, where they will be readily accepted and made to feel understood, unlike at home or at school. Such communities are often harmful, working to radicalise young men by entrusting them with toxic and hurtful world views that foster hatred and distrust, most often towards women. ‘Manosphere’ influencers will cater to the extremities of young male desire: wealth and status, and will pander to boys’ frustrations, while also encouraging the internalisation and harbouring of harmful views.
Being a teenage boy, you often feel like the world is out to get you – especially your parents in their FPO (fun prevention officer) roles. But in such relationships lie deep rewards as well, coming from moments of longlasting connection and support. That said, the biggest mistake wellmeaning guardians (and teachers) make is trying to take control of discussions. In young people’s lives, there are times when ‘no’ needs to mean ‘no’, but the success with young boys lies in making them feel heard, rather than managed. It isn’t enough to simply shun young boys for their actions and views. They need to be prompted to articulate and explore their own views properly, able to admit to being confused and unsure at times.
By definition, young boys aren’t ‘finished products’. Their inherent desire to be successful isn’t bad as such, rather their acquisition of status needs to find expression in ways that are not misogynistic or xenophobic. Of course, the biggest challenge lies in drawing out that vulnerability at the exact age and stage when boys insist most strongly they are old enough to tread their own paths, without the help of any ‘pesky’ adults.
Finn Cliff Hodges is a 23-year-old London-based freelance journalist